It is over with! The play closed Sat. night and you know what it was the best performance we did because the audience was Awesome!!! I enjoyed it the best too, even though I forgot my line and my earring kept coming off and haning on my hair! It was a tough show for me, comedy isn't my strong point and I don't enjoy it that much. The girls, at least, of the cast really came together this past week which is awesome because we are in the next show too. It was hard doing a show when there isn't commrodary(i don't think i spelt that right) anywho, there just needs to be a connection between everyone so we work better together.
I am a little sad that Kirk and Jenn did not come to my play though i was hoping that they would but 4 kids is quite a lot to handle.

I start everyday rehersals for Streetcar tonight which I am excited about but also timid, it is going to change me and for the better, but sometimes change is scary. I have a lot of emotions going on right now. I have to embrace the change good or bad and let it help me to learn. This will be for the better and it will help me emmensly to learn who I am inside.

It is finally here! My play opens tomorrow and I am excited but I am a little older than last time and work more then last time, that it is deffinately affecting me. I was at school for 14 hours today! I had school and rehersal for the other play i am in and then dress rehersal! I am not sure about the play yet. I am just not funny. This part could be really funny but apparently my scenes are where Laughs go to die! I am not kidding I feel as if I am just an object on stage. My fear is that people will just tell me I looked pretty or something to that affect. I am older now and I realize that isn't super anymore I want to be great and talented and I think I am not in this role. So you all wish me good luck! I will need it.
On the other hand in class today we did interviews as our characters in our scenes. I got to go and I felt AWESOME!!!! I have never felt so good about something in acting ever. I wasn't even doing a scene just an interview as the character but it felt so real to me and my teachers seemed very pleased and other people in the class thought I did a wonderful job and that means so much to me. I just suppose comedy is not my thing and I am fine with that!
LOve for all!

Well lets see, I am having a difficult time in my play right now. I am not feeling very talented or connected to the play. It seems as though the whole cast is a unit and I am just an outsider looking in. No one really talks to me and I want to talk to them. I feel like some sad pathetic nerd. They hang out together when we are there and outside of it and call each other. It is as if because I am married I have nothing to talk to them about or don't want to, I don't know what it is. I always feel like I am intruding when I do go to talk to them. Today after the first rehersal i went outside and sat on a bench and then two other people went and sat on a different bench(they're a couple so i figure they want to talk) Then two more people, the two I thought liked me, went and sat with them. They don't even really like the other two people. I just don't get it. I know this seems childish, but it has been going on for a month, I thought at first it was because I was new but that doesn't seem to be the case and I just feel like a piece of leftover meatloaf! No one wants leftover meatloaf! I just want someone to talk to there I just feel like I am always being judged negatively.

AAARRGHHHH!
Ok so the area manager today was nice to me, the one that took my broom and then wouldn't give it back that I talked about earlier! I needed tonight off and forgot to do so early on and I had asked everyone even people that worked at a different Shady Oak. No one could pick up. He got someone to cover it for me. Now I know he didn't really do it for me but he could have. I did say I eithier get it covered or quit because there wasn't an option of me working it. It was nice of him to do but why does he do that now i kinda feel bad for hating him so much. It doesn't justify him being an asshole but you know it makes me feel wierd.

I learned a little more about Hippos today, I did know they were vicious animals but it seems they are unbelievably deep and secretive animals too! I think they are amazing and so cute but decieving! They cause the most human deaths by animal in Africa! That is nuts since they have tons of vicious animals in Africa!

Well Hooray for a cold day! I am so excited about the cold weather it just makes me feel alive and I love being outside in it! I wore a coat today and my brand new salmon colored scarf my mom bought me! It was awesome!

On another note, I swallowed two pills right in a row two days ago and didn't even feel them go down. I couldn't believe it I had to call my mom to tell her, she wasn't there so I told my brother!!! Then later on I had gone to bed and Matt was in the living room so I called him to tell him, because I forgot earlier when he got home. He said good job and then we got off the phone, but a minute later he burst through the door to give me a "Congratulations Hug and Kiss" I just thought that was one of the nicest things. Not many men or husbands would really care too much! I do have a great hubby!

I must say that though money is tight right now, I am so happy that i am doing theatre that I am not nearly as stressed as I usually am! Well we got past the blocking of my play and started working on scenes and I feel a hundred times better! I feel like there was a reason he picked me for this part. I am having so much fun and learning so much about myself and how I work! That is so neat to me to not be lost in my own head and body. You don't ever know that you are lost until later when you begin to find yourself and it is just the coolest thing to be able to sit back and watch so to speak!

Work is still work I am making no money and that I will give the managers most of the responsibility by being jerks and not letting me close! I don't want to get in to that because I have vented enough about it.

I do wonder though why when you go out how hard is it to stop talking and pay attention to the server for the 30 seconds they are at your table?