Well it has been a while I know and I apologize for the delay. I just don't have anything very interesting going on right now. I started a new job at a new restaraunt. I am not very fond of the people that work there, they are just not the kind of people I would hang out with so that is hard. I will have to get a second job after school is out though because this is a very seasonal job. It's at a tourist spot that is outdoors.
My next play is in 3 weeks and I am a little worried about it because there was a lot of interchanging in the parts people play. I haven't even been to rehersal for it since I am in the last scene. So i really have no idea how it is going.
My class is going great though we are working on scenes and doing some crazy stuff that I am not sure I like but I really don't know how to do it so that may have something to do with that.
I am really excited about moving to New York City!!! Hooray it is really going to happen, I am going in September and hopefully get in to the school I want to. My acting teacher told Morgan, another girl in class, about it and we are going to move together. I can not wait. I am going to live in New York City. I will reach one of my dreams. It was always a dream in the back of my mind Ithought might not really happen because it is so wonderful! My teacher actually knows a lot of the staff so hopefully that will help a little. It is good to know people especially in this field. I also have a friend who has a production company up there so maybe I will get to hang out with him a little. I haven't seen him in a while.
I wanted to visit my friend in South Africa before I went but I am not sure that will be possible. The ticket is $1700 at the cheapest and that is in March so I am not sure. I just how awesome that would be to go there and I wouldn't have to pay for a hotel since I would be staying with her and she wants to take me to game reserves to see the wildlife. I just think that is so neat. I suppose we will see what happens.
I am doing really well. I have some hard times but overall I think I am doing great actually. I am so excited about all the neat things I will be doing and all the stuff I am going to learn about myself. I can not wait to do that. I realize some if not most people go their whole life with out ever knowing who they are and I just can't imagine being happy that way. I have so many goals and I can't wait to see them come true one right after the other. I don't know what I will do after the school is over, it is just a year school so I will see. I see myself staying there for a little while, or going to LA. As much as I hate to say that since I am not super fond of LA, but if it is going to further my career then it is something I must do. I wouldn't mind going to London as well. In fact the girl I am moving with is from there so we will see. I am just living every day right now so I won't regret anything. Which means I should probably go to the gym tomorrow! Yikes I keep putting it off! WEll I believe I have rambled on forever now so ta-ta for now!

It is over with! The play closed Sat. night and you know what it was the best performance we did because the audience was Awesome!!! I enjoyed it the best too, even though I forgot my line and my earring kept coming off and haning on my hair! It was a tough show for me, comedy isn't my strong point and I don't enjoy it that much. The girls, at least, of the cast really came together this past week which is awesome because we are in the next show too. It was hard doing a show when there isn't commrodary(i don't think i spelt that right) anywho, there just needs to be a connection between everyone so we work better together.
I am a little sad that Kirk and Jenn did not come to my play though i was hoping that they would but 4 kids is quite a lot to handle.

I start everyday rehersals for Streetcar tonight which I am excited about but also timid, it is going to change me and for the better, but sometimes change is scary. I have a lot of emotions going on right now. I have to embrace the change good or bad and let it help me to learn. This will be for the better and it will help me emmensly to learn who I am inside.

It is finally here! My play opens tomorrow and I am excited but I am a little older than last time and work more then last time, that it is deffinately affecting me. I was at school for 14 hours today! I had school and rehersal for the other play i am in and then dress rehersal! I am not sure about the play yet. I am just not funny. This part could be really funny but apparently my scenes are where Laughs go to die! I am not kidding I feel as if I am just an object on stage. My fear is that people will just tell me I looked pretty or something to that affect. I am older now and I realize that isn't super anymore I want to be great and talented and I think I am not in this role. So you all wish me good luck! I will need it.
On the other hand in class today we did interviews as our characters in our scenes. I got to go and I felt AWESOME!!!! I have never felt so good about something in acting ever. I wasn't even doing a scene just an interview as the character but it felt so real to me and my teachers seemed very pleased and other people in the class thought I did a wonderful job and that means so much to me. I just suppose comedy is not my thing and I am fine with that!
LOve for all!

Well lets see, I am having a difficult time in my play right now. I am not feeling very talented or connected to the play. It seems as though the whole cast is a unit and I am just an outsider looking in. No one really talks to me and I want to talk to them. I feel like some sad pathetic nerd. They hang out together when we are there and outside of it and call each other. It is as if because I am married I have nothing to talk to them about or don't want to, I don't know what it is. I always feel like I am intruding when I do go to talk to them. Today after the first rehersal i went outside and sat on a bench and then two other people went and sat on a different bench(they're a couple so i figure they want to talk) Then two more people, the two I thought liked me, went and sat with them. They don't even really like the other two people. I just don't get it. I know this seems childish, but it has been going on for a month, I thought at first it was because I was new but that doesn't seem to be the case and I just feel like a piece of leftover meatloaf! No one wants leftover meatloaf! I just want someone to talk to there I just feel like I am always being judged negatively.

AAARRGHHHH!
Ok so the area manager today was nice to me, the one that took my broom and then wouldn't give it back that I talked about earlier! I needed tonight off and forgot to do so early on and I had asked everyone even people that worked at a different Shady Oak. No one could pick up. He got someone to cover it for me. Now I know he didn't really do it for me but he could have. I did say I eithier get it covered or quit because there wasn't an option of me working it. It was nice of him to do but why does he do that now i kinda feel bad for hating him so much. It doesn't justify him being an asshole but you know it makes me feel wierd.

I learned a little more about Hippos today, I did know they were vicious animals but it seems they are unbelievably deep and secretive animals too! I think they are amazing and so cute but decieving! They cause the most human deaths by animal in Africa! That is nuts since they have tons of vicious animals in Africa!

Well Hooray for a cold day! I am so excited about the cold weather it just makes me feel alive and I love being outside in it! I wore a coat today and my brand new salmon colored scarf my mom bought me! It was awesome!

On another note, I swallowed two pills right in a row two days ago and didn't even feel them go down. I couldn't believe it I had to call my mom to tell her, she wasn't there so I told my brother!!! Then later on I had gone to bed and Matt was in the living room so I called him to tell him, because I forgot earlier when he got home. He said good job and then we got off the phone, but a minute later he burst through the door to give me a "Congratulations Hug and Kiss" I just thought that was one of the nicest things. Not many men or husbands would really care too much! I do have a great hubby!

I must say that though money is tight right now, I am so happy that i am doing theatre that I am not nearly as stressed as I usually am! Well we got past the blocking of my play and started working on scenes and I feel a hundred times better! I feel like there was a reason he picked me for this part. I am having so much fun and learning so much about myself and how I work! That is so neat to me to not be lost in my own head and body. You don't ever know that you are lost until later when you begin to find yourself and it is just the coolest thing to be able to sit back and watch so to speak!

Work is still work I am making no money and that I will give the managers most of the responsibility by being jerks and not letting me close! I don't want to get in to that because I have vented enough about it.

I do wonder though why when you go out how hard is it to stop talking and pay attention to the server for the 30 seconds they are at your table?

Well I have been in school for about a month and working on the first play "Moon Over Buffalo" we have really only been blocking(kinda like cheorographing) so not much character work and I am having a difficult time with my character she didn't seem to fit in with the rest of everyone else. I am working on her though and she is coming along. i have had two rehersals for "A Streetcar named Desire" which by the way i have 5 lines in at the very very end. It sucks! I know I have been away awhile but it just makes me feel kind of crappy especially since I don't have anyone to talk to about it that will truely understand. I am still liking my acting class, but it seems like we are doing the same thing over and over, which I know is part of the technique but I have just been down on myself like I can't do anything. My musical theatre class doesn't start until October 24! that is forever away, i thought it started next week and it would help with some of my feelings. I suppose I have never really challenged myself before and followed through on it. Everything had come easily to me, at least most of the things I enjoyed. It is hard to seperate my dance background from my acting techniques, it is good I have them but they can get in the way.

Anywho not to bore you with theatre talk! My job is ok. It is actually funny because the people haven't really bothered me too much. The people I work with and for and the ridiculous ones. We have a ranking system that goes c, b, a, trainer. When I left I was the number 3 trainer and I came back and had to be a c. Which i have never been in the 5 years I waited tables. I was fine with it until a month later I am just a b. I can't close any shifts and I am not making any money. It wouldn't really bother me, except the people above me aren't good. I know the managers all know what I am capable of and that I am better then most(not to be vain) but they didn't want to make anyone mad by starting me as a trainer. That is fine, but at least a b wait would have been fine, and then I could have been closing by now because I would have already been an A wait. Matt talked to one of the managers and he said I would be a trainer very shortly. I don't want to complain but sometimes it is hard when you probably won't be able to pay bills. I have realized that people who don't work label people who are leaders as people who complain and bitch!